Without me, you'd be an arsonist. And that's nothing to do with being gay.

Have you noticed how when your alarm goes off, and you hit snooze, even if you're really ready to get up, and there's absolutely no chance whatsoever of you going back to sleep, you won't get up again until that alarm goes off.

It's like a bloody raffle ticket. Nothing happens unless it's a 5 or a 0. If you wake up when the minute is a 1,2,3 or 4, fuck that, you're not getting up for kinky sex with Carmen Electra. But when that minute hits 5, noooooooooo problem, you're like a whirlwind of energy*.

*Or as much as anyone can be before lunchtime.