
Friday, 20 February 2009
Photographic Memories

Monday, 9 February 2009
Do Your Own Adventure

This is something I've been working on, I thought I'd share with you - I've been wanting to do a funky piano track for a while now, but I've been hindered by the fact that my piano playing is useless :s .
It's getting there though, a little bit of tightening up with the mastering and I think we'll be there :) Tell me what you think!
The original vocal was taken from Sue Teller (RIP) mashes it up.
Friday, 16 January 2009
I think I've had enough.
I've been stuck in a needy relationship that's not going anywhere. It's just take take take, and I'll be honest, I've had enough. Yeah there's been some good times, but now things are stale. I'm sick of the promises, the glitches, the insensitivity, the assumptions, and the lies. It's not me, it's you. And before you ask, yes, there is someone else.
Monday, 5 January 2009
But will it mix?
- A single unit that would handle both audio and MIDI.
- Simple setup.
- Ability to send individual channels to the KP3 for sampling and effecting.
- Enough MIDI controls to handle Traktor's effects and other functions, so I have to touch the laptop as little as possible.
- Korg Zero 4 had no effects sends, and not enough knobs for controlling Traktor.
- Pioneer DJM800 is limited in it's MIDI controlling, and there's no built-in soundcard, so I'd have to plug a cable in for each channel I'd be using.
- Ecler EVO5 looked nice, but again, not enough MIDI controls, and no effects sends.
- Allen & Heath X:One 3D was the biggest contender, both in size and features, but a bit out of my league in terms of price.
- Channel lets you apply the effect to any one channel, and is added post EQ.
- Send is applied to any channels that have the "Zero FX Send" knob turned up - this allows you have one or more channels effected, to the level you choose from this knob, and the overall level of the effect is controlled from the knob in the returns section of the mixer. You can choose whether each channel is sent pre or post fader for the send effect, but it suffers from having no ability to remove the dry control of the mix (like the Kaoss pad effects return mentioned above) unless you choose to send pre-fader.
- Master applies an effect to the master output, and so effects all channels (and effects returns) currently in the mix.
at
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Labels: Firewire, Korg, MIDI, Native Instruments, Reviews, Traktor, Zero 8

Tuesday, 25 November 2008
More daft searches
I think I've lost all confidence in the human condition. When you see some of the things people type into Google, there's absolutely no way you can retain hope. Here's some more things people have typed into Google, and ended up on my little corner of the internet (These are all real search terms from the last month):
- naked girls on tractors
Still the most searched for term that gets people to my blog. Google AdSense recommends I monetize these clicks. - ugly dogs
Useful for distracting people from your ugly girlfriend. - how to wear a hat
On your head. - moby the cat
Moby has a bigger following than me, it seems. - shiiiiiiiiiiiit
I know my blog is crap, but there's no need for that. - "fat friend syndrome"
My blog is the font of all DSM-IV knowledge on this subject. - "women and technology don't"
Exactly. - 25 miles from home
The song would have been a lot less catchy if Edwin Starr had joined the metric revolution, and called it "40.2336KM From Home". - baby yellow shoes
The same as other baby shoes, now with 30% more yellow. - can you use control vinyls on tractor?
As far as I know, there's no vinyl controlled farmyard equipment available yet. Although, I'm as interested as anyone else to see what the Stanton/John Deere partnership will bring. - drunk girls at hen nights getting fucked
Part of me wants to search for "naked hen party on a tractor getting fucked by ugly dogs in yellow shoes" to see if I'm top of the list, but I'm too scared to do it, just in case I am. - egg chairs
Sunny side up, or over-easy? - explicit clean itunes podcast
You might want to see a therapist if that's the kind of porn you're looking for. - get around myspace
Just don't go there, sorted. - ghetto yellow shoes
The perfect gift for the skanky crack whore in your life this Christmas. - how to make sugarpaste shoe
I still don't get it? - how to wear tour hair with a hat
I believe the traditional way is underneath it. - i found a place where we go
You found a place, and yet you're still searching. My heart weeps for you. - make shoes from computer
All the sweat-shop kids are doing it. - mcjim
Now you're just putting words in my mouth. - mcvities as a laxative
I've often felt one of the areas this blog really lacks is more in-depth analysis of the laxatative effects of McVities biscuits. - meaning behind yellow shoes
Hands off my existential quandry! Go find your own! - memory stick for girls

available now direct from the Ruforia store, in a range of attractive girly colours and styles, from Agressive Nutmeg, through Petulant Birch, to Emo Ebony. From just 49.99E, inc. P&P. - motivational poster dart board
"Believe you're the dart, not the board" - naked indian blog
If an indian doesn't have enough money for clothes, how's he going to afford an internet connection? - naked with yellow shoes
It happens to us all, from time to time. Send pictures. - rufus white, gilera
My Googly senses tell me a Gilera is an Italian scooter. I don't think I've ever ridden one, or how someone came to be searching for me in a juxtaposition to one. - podcast tagging itunes yellow
Ah, I think your problem might be you've downloaded JaundiTunes by mistake. Easily done. - shoe turn yellow how to
Wax crayons. - shoes promoting
Would shoes benefit from promotion? Most people are aware of shoes already, to the point where I believe there's a saturation point in the shoes market. Although women are determined to make sure the manufacturers don't buckle under in the economic crises. - shoes spain
Very much like shoes from the rest of the world, only more Spanish. - ugly yellow dogs
According to Google Analytics, ugly dogs are my "thing". Figures. To Google Analytics, I say: You don't even know me, I'm more of a cat person. - what do you understand about electronic money? give examples
I understand I need more of it. eg1. I want to buy an electronic woman with my electronic money, but I can't, because I don't have enough. - what does it mean when you dream a man gives you yellow shoes?
That you need to find a man who's not colour-blind? - why do shoes turn yellow
Because you wax crayoned all over them (see above). - wierd naked
I hoped you wouldn't notice. - you tou rucksacke
I'm... confused. - what to wear with yellow shoes
It's a scientifically proven fact that nothing looks good with yellow shoes. If you're attractive. If you're unattractive, wearing just yellow shoes won't help your cause (see: naked with yellow shoes). - yellow shoes symbolic meaning
You're one of these people who has to find meaning in everything. What's the symbolic meaning of a toilet roll? What's the symbolic meaning of the HP 38XRP2100 All-in-one scanner/printer/fax/copier/dildo? I don't know. Do I care? No. Just keep doin' yo' thang, HP 38XRP2100, ignore the hataz.
Future ex-wives.
Everyone has a "list". Even people in relationships (although they might not admit it). Since I was thinking about getting myself an imaginary girlfriend anyway (and maybe one day we'll settle down, and she'll be my imaginary wife), I might as well make her an attractive imaginary girlfriend while I'm at it. Here's the imaginary options. Incidentally, if you are one of these women, and you're feeling at a bit of a loose end one day, and want to see if you're as good in real life as you are in my mind, drop me a line.
| Avril Lavigne I know, I know, and it almost hurts, but Avril's been on the list for a while. A long while. I don't even know why. I think it's because her music has that "so crap it's good" thing that you nostalgically yearn for after you leave school. | |
![]() | Kiera Knightly I think would make a great imaginary girlfriend, with the added bonus that you wouldn't have to spend that much on (imaginary) groceries. |
![]() | Thirteen, from House I know she's a fictional character, but I'm just as good at imagining fictional girls as I am at imagining real life girls, if not better. Incidentally, Cameron from House used to fill this space, but she's sold out and gone blonde now. Her loss. Besides, ecstacy fueled, bisexual bed scenes are healthy for the imagination. |
![]() | Daphne, from Heroes For some reason, I keep imagining her in "She's all That" doing the Rockafella Skank at the end of the film. But really fast. Like when you're watching |
![]() | Rachael McAdams But brunette Rachael McAdams. She makes me want to plan a heist. Just so I can pull out a big sheet of A0 paper with "HEIST PLANS" written in big letters at the top, really. A0 paper kicks ass. |
What does this tell us? Well, first of all, this shows that I have a severely overactive imagination. Boob size doesn't seem to be an issue when considering a prospective imaginary girlfriend, but cute face is definitely where it's at. Interestingly, none of them have red hair, apart from in my mind. The one thing that ties all of them together really is they all have quite big foreheads (Rachael McAdams technically has a fivehead). I'm kinda ok with that, because one of my dreams has always been to have a girlfriend who's forehead I could project IMAX movies onto.
I still have an issue with which one I should settle down with though - at the moment I'm imaginary dating all of them, I love them all so much but in different ways. I think I'll have to use my patented Bacon Buttie test to see which one I should pick - ie. whoever makes the best bacon buttie can have me exclusively (imaginarily).
Sunday, 23 November 2008
'Leccy is hard to come by, round these parts.
Some mad Argentinians have bought the bar next door to my house, and as only Argentinians can, they've been working 24/7 for the last couple of days to try and get the place open and money in the till for some time last year.
Saturday, 22 November 2008
Simply Rediculous

Friday, 21 November 2008
I'm seldom dead (yet).
Ok, well, I had my eye test. The good news is that my eyes are still the same withered stumps at the end of my ocular nerves they were two years ago, they haven't got any worse.
If I don't make it out alive, I'm probably dead.

I'm scared. Well, I'm always scared. But today, I'm more scared. Today I have an eye test. In Ibiza.
- Some reeking old giffer will drag you into a broom closet, where he'll stick needles in your eyes and affront you physically and nasally. He'll deluge you with a million pictures, and then bring one single image to crystal clarity... and beyond. Usually, the perverted old fart will try and take advantage of the fact that you can't see anything, and are bewildered and confused in a darkened room by asking you to identify objects from across the room:
"Can you see what this is?"
"No."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! And what's this?"
"An.... egg?"
"I'll give you a clue, it's either a spoon, or the Gobi Desert."
"A spoon?"
"FOOL! I tricked you! It's a double-decker bus! Ok, this next one is either my penis, or a Cornish Pasty, which is it?"
You get the idea. This guy will end up suggesting a pair of gold-rimmed specs twice the size of your head look great on you. - On the other hand, you'll get some mega-hot-and-knows-it optomotrist. She'll lead you into a room that's hotter than the Sun, and sit you in a bondage chair. You have two choices: Leave your jacket on, and burn to death, or take it off and risk exposing the massive boner you're carrying around. She dims the lights to something more romantic. The conditions are perfect...
Just so you know, from my experience, these things never work out like porn, which is a shame, cos I could think of some great positions with that freaky chair. You leave with blue balls and the means to see them clearly.
- ¿Qué es más clara, un presente, un presente o?
- ¿Que es un astigmatismo en el bolsillo, o se acaba el placer de verme?
- Esta es una de Pasty de Cornualles, o mi pene, lo que es?







