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Tuesday, 25 November 2008

More daft searches

I think I've lost all confidence in the human condition. When you see some of the things people type into Google, there's absolutely no way you can retain hope. Here's some more things people have typed into Google, and ended up on my little corner of the internet (These are all real search terms from the last month):

  • naked girls on tractors
    Still the most searched for term that gets people to my blog. Google AdSense recommends I monetize these clicks.
  • ugly dogs
    Useful for distracting people from your ugly girlfriend.
  • how to wear a hat
    On your head.
  • moby the cat
    Moby has a bigger following than me, it seems.
  • shiiiiiiiiiiiit
    I know my blog is crap, but there's no need for that.
  • "fat friend syndrome"
    My blog is the font of all DSM-IV knowledge on this subject.
  • "women and technology don't"
  • 25 miles from home
    The song would have been a lot less catchy if Edwin Starr had joined the metric revolution, and called it "40.2336KM From Home".
  • baby yellow shoes
    The same as other baby shoes, now with 30% more yellow.
  • can you use control vinyls on tractor?
    As far as I know, there's no vinyl controlled farmyard equipment available yet. Although, I'm as interested as anyone else to see what the Stanton/John Deere partnership will bring.
  • drunk girls at hen nights getting fucked
    Part of me wants to search for "naked hen party on a tractor getting fucked by ugly dogs in yellow shoes" to see if I'm top of the list, but I'm too scared to do it, just in case I am.
  • egg chairs
    Sunny side up, or over-easy?
  • explicit clean itunes podcast
    You might want to see a therapist if that's the kind of porn you're looking for.
  • get around myspace
    Just don't go there, sorted.
  • ghetto yellow shoes
    The perfect gift for the skanky crack whore in your life this Christmas.
  • how to make sugarpaste shoe
    I still don't get it?
  • how to wear tour hair with a hat
    I believe the traditional way is underneath it.
  • i found a place where we go
    You found a place, and yet you're still searching. My heart weeps for you.
  • make shoes from computer
    All the sweat-shop kids are doing it.
  • mcjim
    Now you're just putting words in my mouth.
  • mcvities as a laxative
    I've often felt one of the areas this blog really lacks is more in-depth analysis of the laxatative effects of McVities biscuits.
  • meaning behind yellow shoes
    Hands off my existential quandry! Go find your own!
  • memory stick for girls

    available now direct from the Ruforia store, in a range of attractive girly colours and styles, from Agressive Nutmeg, through Petulant Birch, to Emo Ebony. From just 49.99E, inc. P&P.
  • motivational poster dart board
    "Believe you're the dart, not the board"
  • naked indian blog
    If an indian doesn't have enough money for clothes, how's he going to afford an internet connection?
  • naked with yellow shoes
    It happens to us all, from time to time. Send pictures.
  • rufus white, gilera
    My Googly senses tell me a Gilera is an Italian scooter. I don't think I've ever ridden one, or how someone came to be searching for me in a juxtaposition to one.
  • podcast tagging itunes yellow
    Ah, I think your problem might be you've downloaded JaundiTunes by mistake. Easily done.
  • shoe turn yellow how to
    Wax crayons.
  • shoes promoting
    Would shoes benefit from promotion? Most people are aware of shoes already, to the point where I believe there's a saturation point in the shoes market. Although women are determined to make sure the manufacturers don't buckle under in the economic crises.
  • shoes spain
    Very much like shoes from the rest of the world, only more Spanish.
  • ugly yellow dogs
    According to Google Analytics, ugly dogs are my "thing". Figures. To Google Analytics, I say: You don't even know me, I'm more of a cat person.
  • what do you understand about electronic money? give examples
    I understand I need more of it. eg1. I want to buy an electronic woman with my electronic money, but I can't, because I don't have enough.
  • what does it mean when you dream a man gives you yellow shoes?
    That you need to find a man who's not colour-blind?
  • why do shoes turn yellow
    Because you wax crayoned all over them (see above).
  • wierd naked
    I hoped you wouldn't notice.
  • you tou rucksacke
    I'm... confused.
  • what to wear with yellow shoes
    It's a scientifically proven fact that nothing looks good with yellow shoes. If you're attractive. If you're unattractive, wearing just yellow shoes won't help your cause (see: naked with yellow shoes).
  • yellow shoes symbolic meaning
    You're one of these people who has to find meaning in everything. What's the symbolic meaning of a toilet roll? What's the symbolic meaning of the HP 38XRP2100 All-in-one scanner/printer/fax/copier/dildo? I don't know. Do I care? No. Just keep doin' yo' thang,  HP 38XRP2100, ignore the hataz.


  1. hey i know...while your trapped in a freezing house in england, growing a beard, cursing the flat tire on your polo, dicking around with your new mixer, i have an idea-- why don't you UPDATE YER BLOG??!

  2. Why do you have a stick collection??

  3. Are you trying to tell me you don't?