Google+ and why I 'like' it.

For the last couple of months, I've been using Google's answer to Facebook, Google+, and while I've yet to get any meaningful number of the people I know using it, I've still had a really rewarding experience with it.

I'll admit right off the bat that I'm a bit of a Google-whore. Whilst some of the services they've introduced have ended up being flops, I've pretty much tried them all, and found them all useful to different extents. I organize my life with Calendar, Gmail takes care of my messaging needs, Feedburner keeps track of my podcast, Blogger lets me share my thoughts with the world, my important documents are all on Docs, and all my pictures have a home at Picasa (not to mention I have an Android phone that lets me get to all my stuff on these services when I'm away from my computer). So when they announced their social platform, it seemed like the final missing piece of the puzzle had been found. Even better: Google seems to be treating it as that final puzzle piece, and slowly, all these services are now being integrated into each other.

I'm not bothered in the slightest by the tech pundits already claiming that Google+ is a dead duck, because Google has not only the power, but the persistence to make it work in the long run. Back when Android was still young, there was a lot of the same words flying around - just look at this one from only 2 years ago, and compare it to the market today, with sales of Android smartphones far in excess of those of the iPhone. If Google uses that same persistence and market power with Google+, then there's no reason why it can't become another valuable service. For me, it's already there.

So, if I've not managed to get a whole load of my mates away from Facebook, and onto Google+, how can it have been such a rewarding experience for me? Because of the difference between the ways that Facebook and Google+ work: To listen to what someone has to say on Google+, you don't need to know them. Facebook puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that if you're friends with someone, then they by definition are friends with you in return. It's a 2-way-street, which means that if someone friends me on Facebook because they want to keep up with my music, I'm also subjected to seeing all their posts in my stream too. Ok, so I can go to their profile and reduce the number of posts from them that I see, but that means I have to be proactive about it. Not only that, but all the posts from everyone in my friends list shows up in one long, disorganized stream. It's not even by 'newest posts' any more (I've given up trying to work out how Facebook organizes my stream these days, which is part of the reason why I've given up looking any more - regardless of how often I check, chances are there's always going to be something important I miss amongst all the "I had toast this morning. lol" posts).

Google+ approaches all this from the opposite direction. If someone wants to follow me on Google+, they're welcome, but I'm not under any pressure to follow them back. They'll see anything I share publicly, but until I add them to my circles, the only way their random ramblings get into my stream is if I specifically look under the 'Incoming' circle. For the last few weeks I seem to have been getting a lot of new people adding me to their circles. Every couple of days I go through the 'incoming' stream to see what they've been saying, and if they have anything interesting/constructive to say, I put them in one of my many circles. The users who are clearly just spamming, I block, so I won't see anything from them again. They can spam all they want, and I'll never see it!

Because I've set up a whole load of circles relating to each thing I'm interested in, I can pick any one of those streams depending on what mood I'm in, and read all the day's posts related to, for example, music production, or Android. Because I'm seeing relevant posts to what I'm actually interested in at that particular moment in time, I'm actually paying attention to what people are saying, and joining in the discussion. Contrast this against the Facebook methodology, where it's rare that I even get to see stuff that I might be interested in because it's lost amongst all the spam and crap that people post, and straight away you can see it's a much better way of doing things.

Through using Google+ in this way, it's put me in touch with a load of really interesting people, who've become active commenters on my posts, and vice-versa. Had these people friended me on Facebook, I would have accepted them (perhaps) if they had mutual friends, or they sent me a message along with the request saying they liked my music or they'd met me at such-and-such a place. Then I would have promptly ignored them unless they got in touch with me directly or posted something on my wall.

Other things I like about Google+:

• Using it is easy and logical. I don't have to hunt for hours just to find where the button to rotate a picture, or connect my blog has gone. I'm still trying to work out how to connect my blog back to Facebook after they moved stuff around a few years ago. It's still connected to my age-old mySpace blog. Erk!
• The community - if people have put the work into sorting people into their circles, they're much more likely to be seeing posts that are relevant to what they actually want to look at at that particular moment. Therefore they're much more likely to write something constructive/relevant in the comments than start a mud-slinging match (which I've seen happen on Facebook more than once). 
• Really long posts/comments, you're not limited to some arbitrary number of characters like Facebook/Twitter.
• I can edit my posts and comments. Now my typo's and spelling mistakes are finally correctable. 
• I can make a post sharing more than one photo, without creating an album for them if I want. They all get organized automatically within my Picasa album. 
• All my photos I take on my phone are automatically uploaded to it. When I get home, they're already there waiting to be edited/sorted into albums. (Although it would be nice if the Picasa desktop software could sync with the 'Instant Upload' folder too).
• You can edit your photos to a pretty advanced level using the built-in Picnic editor.
• I have to approve it when someone else tags me in a photo. Suddenly there's no point in people tagging an irrelevant picture with hundreds of people who aren't actually in the picture (spamtagging) just to get me to look at it. If they've shared it with me, I'll see it in my stream if they're in my circles. The bonus is, I can set it to automatically approve tags from people in certain circles (like friends/family).

I'm sure I'll find more, Google seem to be rolling out new features on a weekly basis, without interfering with the existing features (which is more than can be said of Facebook). I can't wait to see what else they come up with!

If you're not on G+ yet, give it a try. As with anything else, the more you put into it, the more you'll get out of it. Don't give up on it just because your mates aren't on it yet, set an account up, put a few interesting posts up, and see who else you can find that shares similar views, who knows, you might end up meeting some new people that you would otherwise have passed over on Facebook! And while you're waiting for all your mates to catch up with the cool kids, I'll keep you company over there!

Christmas in Ibiza

This year has been my the first Christmas I've spent in my adopted homeland of Ibiza, and I doubt it will be the last ;) Being a spiritual, but not a religious person (at least in the Christian sense), Christmas holds a lot of contradictions for me. I love the idea of Christmas in principle, I think it's important to have a time of year when you can get together with family, put your problems and stresses with yourself and others aside, if only for one day, and enjoy your life and family for what and who they are.

Unfortunately, this base idea of Christmas has been transformed in many people's minds by corporations and capitalism into a time of stress, greed, and competition. Every Christmas I spend in England seems to make me feel further and further away from this idea of unconditional love and acceptance that I want to be able to feel from others and give in return. Christmas these days apparently isn't Christmas without a tree hung to the rafters with chintzy decorations, trying to outdo everyone with the best present, the best Christmas dinner, family members getting drunk and arguing about inconsequential nonsense, the order, the tradition, the planning, the excess. We're brought up to feel that without these things, it's not really Christmas. We stress about creating the 'perfect' Christmas, as if it's something that's attainable only by throwing more and more cash and planning at it.

Because of this, I was a little worried about spending Christmas here in Ibiza, away from my family in England. I love my Mum and my Sisters with all my heart, and being away from them for only the second Christmas in my 29 years wasn't really by choice, but through a lack of money and deadlines for work which need to be completed by the new year. It turns out, I shouldn't have been worried though. Like all the best days in Ibiza, Christmas here came together with the minimum of fuss, drama and planning and I couldn't have been happier about it. Because nobody in my Ibiza family has any money right now (it's the middle of the Winter, and with Ibiza being such a seasonal place, most people just work for the 4 months of the Summer, and those that stay for the Winter just 'get by'), there was no exchanging of gifts. There wasn't a tree. There wasn't any snow (I've only ever seen it snow in Ibiza once, and that lasted about 10 minutes). There wasn't any carols. There wasn't any crappy Christmas movies that everyone had seen a million times before. There wasn't a bad word spoken about anyone or anything. But there was love, in abundance.

Because of this, strangely, it ended up being the most Christmassy Christmas I think I've ever had, and I'd like to take this opportunity to bestow a million thanks on my Ibiza family in general, with special mentions going to Sarah for her amazing hospitality and cooking (with help from Joleen). Without these people, I wouldn't still be here on the island. I love you all, and every day that I live here, I'm thankful that I have each and every one of you in my life and in my family. You're my family not through bloodlines, but through choice, and the fact that you could just as easily choose not to include me in your daily lives is reason enough to give thanks. :)

You can see all the photos I took in my Picasa Album.

A quick note about what's going on here...

This year has been a busy one for me, so I apologize for not keeping up with my blogs and letting you know what's going on. This coming year, I'm going to be making a more concerted effort to keep everyone in the loop by updating my respective blogs more often :)

So you know, anything related to my DJing activities will be on my other blog at rufuswhite.com, whereas I'd like to keep all my personal thoughts, feelings and observations on life and living in Ibiza here on Yellow Shoes.

Many thanks to everyone for their patience this last year, I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas, and I wish you all the best for the New Year :) 

Photographic Memories

This is a soundtrack I'm writing to a photography video a friend of mine in Barcelona is making, so it's not exactly dancefloor oriented! Having said that, I've really liked working to someone elses requirements, rather than my own - I hope you like it :)

I'll post the video when it's done :)

Do Your Own Adventure

This is something I've been working on, I thought I'd share with you - I've been wanting to do a funky piano track for a while now, but I've been hindered by the fact that my piano playing is useless :s .

It's getting there though, a little bit of tightening up with the mastering and I think we'll be there :) Tell me what you think!

The original vocal was taken from Sue Teller (RIP) mashes it up.

I think I've had enough.

I've been stuck in a needy relationship that's not going anywhere. It's just take take take, and I'll be honest, I've had enough. Yeah there's been some good times, but now things are stale. I'm sick of the promises, the glitches, the insensitivity, the assumptions, and the lies. It's not me, it's you. And before you ask, yes, there is someone else. 

Traktor, I'm leaving you. 

For so long, I've put up with your awkwardness, given you all my time, and hoped that one day, you and I would work in perfect harmony. But now, I've given up on that dream. 

The final straw came when I realized that even though I'd put many hundreds of hours into organising my collection, setting cue points, loop points, and beatgridding all my tracks, that none of this could be transferred to Traktor Pro. Not only that, but I'm going to have to change my whole way of working. Again. Traktor 3 was almost perfect the way it was, just a couple of little tweaks here and there, a sampler, and it would have been there. But no, that's not good enough, apparently what we need is a complete overhaul. That in itself, I'd be fine with if it added something to my experience of DJing with it. But instead, things have actually been taken out, rather than extra features added. And that wouldn't be so bad if they weren't features that were actually nessessary to DJ with. 

So now, I face a tough decision. Do I stay with Traktor 3, knowing that how I have it now is never going to progress any further, hoping that one day, Traktor Pro is going to emerge as something actually worth using - in the mean time updating 20k tracks to the new format, just because the developers didn't see the need for their loyal customers to be able to make a seamless transition between the two versions? Or do I head to Ableton, where I'd still have to put in the hours updating my collection, but be able to rest safe in the knowledge that the interface is going to stay familiar for the foreseeable future, and I'll likely not have to do all this work all over again? The reasons for staying with Traktor have been getting less and less clear for me, and with yesterday's announcement of Ableton Live 8, there's now very little that's keeping me using it. I've been toying with my DJ layout for Live for a while now, and every time I have a play with it, I discover new things I can do. With Traktor, I always feel like I'm fighting against the software, rather than working with it. If NI have a change of heart, and start listening to their users rather than dictating to them what they need, my Traktor collection will still be there, but as of today, I'm starting work on getting everything organized in Ableton. 

But will it mix?

So I finally got my new mixer, a Korg Zero 8, and this thing is amazing! For every person with one of these mixers, there seems to be differing opinions, so here's my little review...

I wanted a mixer that had audio channels, but had enough MIDI controls that I could control everything in Traktor from the same unit. Up until now I'd been using a Evolution UC33-e for MIDI control, and a Creative Audigy Notebook ExpressCard for outputting audio. This was a nice compact little setup, but there were a few problems with it - there were a lot of things to plug in, so setting up at a club could take a while. The UC33-e could be unreliable due to a dodgy USB port on the unit, and it kept disconnecting, leaving me with no MIDI control. Having only MIDI control over the mixer section meant there was inherent latency, which made doing quick chops with beats and samples almost impossible. Because I was only outputting 2 channels (master and monitor, with all the mixing handled by Traktor's internal mixer), I could only assign my Kaoss Pad 3 to the master output from Traktor - there was no way I could use it on just one individual channel. 

So my requirements were:

• A single unit that would handle both audio and MIDI.
• Simple setup.
• Ability to send individual channels to the KP3 for sampling and effecting. 
• Enough MIDI controls to handle Traktor's effects and other functions, so I have to touch the laptop as little as possible. 

Given this, the Zero 8 really became the only choice. The other contenders were:

• Korg Zero 4 had no effects sends, and not enough knobs for controlling Traktor. 
• Pioneer DJM800 is limited in it's MIDI controlling, and there's no built-in soundcard, so I'd have to plug a cable in for each channel I'd be using. 
• Ecler EVO5 looked nice, but again, not enough MIDI controls, and no effects sends. 
• Allen & Heath X:One 3D was the biggest contender, both in size and features, but a bit out of my league in terms of price. 

I had a lot of problems when initially getting the mixer working with Traktor, first of all, there were no drivers for Vista. I was using the XP drivers in compatibility mode, which would work for a bit, then cut out with loud nasty squeaking coming from the speakers. I was ready to send the Zero back for a refund. Then luckily, a Vista driver came out that day on the Korg Japan site which, after a bit of fiddling, I got working reliably. You can download the Vista driver here. 

A lot of people have reported hiss with this mixer. I'd heard there was no hiss on the digital SP/DIF output though, and since the mixer seemed right in every other way for me, I thought if worst came to the worst, I'd just buy a convertor, and hook it up to the digital output. As it turns out though, I've not experienced any hiss on any of the channels, so maybe Korg have sorted this problem out. 

Sound quality is fantastic, I wasn't expecting anything phenomenal in this area, but to my ears it definitely sounds a lot less harsh than the Pioneer mixers I'm used to working on. For a digital mixer, it sounds surprisingly warm, with great punch in the lower end - for House music, this is perfect. 

You can pretty much set this mixer up exactly how you want it - there's so many options available, it's incredible. First up, there's about a million inputs, and the rotary dials at the top of each channel let you put pretty much any input into any channel. All the faders have an adjustable curve (not just the crossfader). I use the upfaders for mixing as I use 4 decks, so this was brilliant for me, and something I've not had before in a mixer. I set them up with quite a harsh curve, which I found worked really well with my choppy, "just slam it in" mixing style. There's also a cut/solo switch for each channel, when set to cut it removes the channel from the mix instantly, and spings back to the middle position as soon as you let go, returning the track output to the mix. Pushed in the other direction it latches, and mutes all the other tracks. You can solo more than one track at a time by pushing more than one of these switches upwards. On channels set to MIDI control, these switches send MIDI information, in the neutral position, no data is sent, but different controllers can be selected depending on whether the switch is up or down (so pushing up could control one button in Traktor, whilst pushing down would work a different one. You'll have to make sure you don't need both buttons at the same time though when doing this). On my MIDI channels, I've set this switch to control the 'action' button in BeatMasher, and the Reverb 'Put' button. This allows me to quickly enable the BeatMasher (for short bursts) by pressing down on it, or push it upwards, and holding the effect on (for long mashes, or keeping the reverb turned on while I do something else). 

Any channel can also be used set to send MIDI controller information for all the controls, or even just half the controls, which really gives you a lot of flexibility on how you have everything set up. I wanted to have 4 channels of actual audio for the 4 decks in traktor, rather than having everything controlled in MIDI - I wanted to have no latency whatsoever on the upfaders, and this method also meant by setting the EQs to filter instead of EQ, I can have a filter on every channel, meaning I can reduce my use of Traktor's Filter T2 effect, which was pretty much constantly turned on on all my decks. I then have decks 5-7 transmit MIDI control information. From these channels, I can choose the effect selected for each individual deck, operate the effects, and even control cue points using the A/B buttons above the upfader. Finally, on channel 8, I have the input for the Kaoss Pad. I could have routed this back into the return for EXT1, but this limited me in a couple of ways: There was no easy way to have a single wet/dry control for the KP3 effects - turning up the EXT1 send on the channel all the way to the top would not fade out the 'dry' signal after it got past half way, which was a bit disappointing, and meant that I'd have to work the channel upfader to take the dry signal out of the mix. To get over this, I assign the KP3 input channel to the right side of the crossfader, and any channels I want to wet/dry control to the left side, then moving the crossfader gives me an easy control over how much of the effected signal I have in the mix. Having it set up in this way also means that I can further effect the KP3 signal with the EQs and effects on the mixer itself. Whilst we're on the subject of effects, you should know that the Zero8 doesn't have a seperate effect for each channel like the Zero4 does - instead there's 3 buttons under the screen that let you switch between channel, send and master effects control: 

• Channel lets you apply the effect to any one channel, and is added post EQ. 
• Send is applied to any channels that have the "Zero FX Send" knob turned up - this allows you have one or more channels effected, to the level you choose from this knob, and the overall level of the effect is controlled from the knob in the returns section of the mixer. You can choose whether each channel is sent pre or post fader for the send effect, but it suffers from having no ability to remove the dry control of the mix (like the Kaoss pad effects return mentioned above) unless you choose to send pre-fader. 
• Master applies an effect to the master output, and so effects all channels (and effects returns) currently in the mix. 
  

This, again, gives you a lot of possibilities, and all 3 options can be enabled at the same time, with different effects selected on each by using the hold button also under the screen. I'm thinking about using this to keep a compressor constantly on my master output (to keep the mixer levels at a more constant level), but I'm still experimenting finding settings that work well for this. It's a shame that there's no way to store favorite effects for instant recall, like you can with the KP3, as searching through the effects with the rotary is not the quickest way to find the effect you need with so many on offer. I would have thought this would be an ideal use for the rotary buttons, as they don't do anything while the screen is in the effects pages. 

The mixer recieves a MIDI clock from Traktor with minimum of fuss (you can set it to recieve MIDI clock over firewire, or via a MIDI cable, make sure you select the right option on the mixer, or risk wondering why it's not working for days like I did), with the added benefit that it send this information on through the MIDI port to the KP3, meaning that the effects and samples on both units are kept in time perfectly with Traktor. 

There's a bank of 8 rotary encoders to the right of the mixer, that can be set up with 4 banks of MIDI controller data. You can also press these encoders down, and they act as buttons. I have these set up to load tracks from the browser in Traktor, and control looping and cuing. One niggle I have with these buttons is that they disable when you select any of the effects on the touchscreen, so you have to select the controller bank above the buttons again to start sending MIDI information again. If you're thinking about using this mixer with Traktor Pro, you should know that these rotary encoders don't work very well with Pro yet, they work fine in one direction, but not the other (NI know about this problem though, so hopefully it will be fixed soon). This also happens under v3.4 for me, but it's fine in 3.2. When you have these controller banks selected, the touchscreen also sends MIDI information, so you could use this to further fuck with the effects in Traktor. 

So on to the touch screen. You use this to choose most of the options on the mixer, and most of these were pretty self explanatory. It lets you set all the fader curves (individually for each fader), as well as things like MIDI clock, what inputs are sent over firewire, and change MIDI note data for the 4 controller banks. By pressing one of the 3 buttons below the screen, it switches into effects mode, and in most cases you use the screen itself to control the effects. This works well enough, but the touch screen is less responsive than the one on the KP3, and about 3/4 of the size, which can make getting predictable effects a fiddly business. Because it's not divided into a grid like the KP3, it can also make it hard to know where to touch the screen to get the desired effect - on the KP3, I have no problem knowing exactly the coordinates to touch in order to get the effect I want. Most of the effects on the KP3 are included, with the exception of the drum machines (which are crap anyway) and the synths (which can be useful in certain situations). You do gain about 20 effects that are knob controlled (using the rotary encoders) rather than screen controlled though, and these include things like delays and compressors, so you have finer control of these effects. The range of effects, covers pretty much everything you'd need, you've got the usual range of filters, delays, flangers, reverbs, some are fairly similar, and only the paramaters changed by moving your finger on the screen are different. You also have a load of effects that'll make things a bit more interesting, like decimators, and tape delays, along with a nice beat looper, that allows you to choose how many beats are looped by pressing the timing boxes on the screen. It's a shame with all this power, that they couldn't have included a proper sampler on board as well, but I have the KP3 for that, so it's not really a biggie for me. 

The mixer itself feels solidly built, although the controls themselves feel a bit plasticy. The upfaders are nice and loose, almost to the point of being too loose, but they have a really smooth feel to them. One of people's biggest complaints with this mixer has been the fiddly knobs. The knobs are very thin, and closely positioned, but I can't see any other way of getting that many controls onto one mixer without making them that small. The knobs have a bit of resitance to them, which is good, but they also wiggle a bit, which makes it feel like they might not last long after a bit of abuse. We'll see how they hold up, as I abuse mixers more than most.

For the record, since this mixer is Traktor Skratch certified, I hooked up my CDJ and tried using it to control the decks in Traktor Pro. After choosing which channel to send the timecode information on it sprang to life - I was expecting some headaches, but it ran like a dream. Personally, I have no need for vinyl/CDJ control though, so this is not something I've tested extensively. 

As reported by a lot of others, the headphone output is on the quiet side, but a headphone amplifier should sort that out. 

Overall though, I'm fucking loving this mixer, it's opened up a whole new realm of possibilities for me, and every time I play with it, I discover something new I can do with it :) I haven't been this excited about DJing in a long time :) Yeah, there's niggles, but even after nearly 2 years of being on the market, this mixer is still the only one that does everything I want. Keep your ears open for a new Ruforia mix done with this mixer in the very near future :)

More daft searches

I think I've lost all confidence in the human condition. When you see some of the things people type into Google, there's absolutely no way you can retain hope. Here's some more things people have typed into Google, and ended up on my little corner of the internet (These are all real search terms from the last month):

• naked girls on tractors
  Still the most searched for term that gets people to my blog. Google AdSense recommends I monetize these clicks.
• ugly dogs
  Useful for distracting people from your ugly girlfriend.
• how to wear a hat
  On your head.
• moby the cat
  Moby has a bigger following than me, it seems.
• shiiiiiiiiiiiit
  I know my blog is crap, but there's no need for that.
• "fat friend syndrome"
  My blog is the font of all DSM-IV knowledge on this subject.
• "women and technology don't"
  Exactly.
• 25 miles from home
  The song would have been a lot less catchy if Edwin Starr had joined the metric revolution, and called it "40.2336KM From Home".
• baby yellow shoes
  The same as other baby shoes, now with 30% more yellow.
• can you use control vinyls on tractor?
  As far as I know, there's no vinyl controlled farmyard equipment available yet. Although, I'm as interested as anyone else to see what the Stanton/John Deere partnership will bring.
• drunk girls at hen nights getting fucked
  Part of me wants to search for "naked hen party on a tractor getting fucked by ugly dogs in yellow shoes" to see if I'm top of the list, but I'm too scared to do it, just in case I am.
• egg chairs
  Sunny side up, or over-easy?
• explicit clean itunes podcast
  You might want to see a therapist if that's the kind of porn you're looking for.
• get around myspace
  Just don't go there, sorted.
• ghetto yellow shoes
  The perfect gift for the skanky crack whore in your life this Christmas.
• how to make sugarpaste shoe
  I still don't get it?
• how to wear tour hair with a hat
  I believe the traditional way is underneath it.
• i found a place where we go
  You found a place, and yet you're still searching. My heart weeps for you.
• make shoes from computer
  All the sweat-shop kids are doing it.
• mcjim
  Now you're just putting words in my mouth.
• mcvities as a laxative
  I've often felt one of the areas this blog really lacks is more in-depth analysis of the laxatative effects of McVities biscuits.
• meaning behind yellow shoes
  Hands off my existential quandry! Go find your own!
• memory stick for girls
  
  available now direct from the Ruforia store, in a range of attractive girly colours and styles, from Agressive Nutmeg, through Petulant Birch, to Emo Ebony. From just 49.99E, inc. P&P.
  
• motivational poster dart board
  "Believe you're the dart, not the board"
• naked indian blog
  If an indian doesn't have enough money for clothes, how's he going to afford an internet connection?
• naked with yellow shoes
  It happens to us all, from time to time. Send pictures.
• rufus white, gilera
  My Googly senses tell me a Gilera is an Italian scooter. I don't think I've ever ridden one, or how someone came to be searching for me in a juxtaposition to one.
• podcast tagging itunes yellow
  Ah, I think your problem might be you've downloaded JaundiTunes by mistake. Easily done.
• shoe turn yellow how to
  Wax crayons.
• shoes promoting
  Would shoes benefit from promotion? Most people are aware of shoes already, to the point where I believe there's a saturation point in the shoes market. Although women are determined to make sure the manufacturers don't buckle under in the economic crises.
• shoes spain
  Very much like shoes from the rest of the world, only more Spanish.
• ugly yellow dogs
  According to Google Analytics, ugly dogs are my "thing". Figures. To Google Analytics, I say: You don't even know me, I'm more of a cat person.
• what do you understand about electronic money? give examples
  I understand I need more of it. eg1. I want to buy an electronic woman with my electronic money, but I can't, because I don't have enough.
• what does it mean when you dream a man gives you yellow shoes?
  That you need to find a man who's not colour-blind?
• why do shoes turn yellow
  Because you wax crayoned all over them (see above).
  
• wierd naked
  I hoped you wouldn't notice.
• you tou rucksacke
  I'm... confused.
  
• what to wear with yellow shoes
  It's a scientifically proven fact that nothing looks good with yellow shoes. If you're attractive. If you're unattractive, wearing just yellow shoes won't help your cause (see: naked with yellow shoes).
• yellow shoes symbolic meaning
  You're one of these people who has to find meaning in everything. What's the symbolic meaning of a toilet roll? What's the symbolic meaning of the HP 38XRP2100 All-in-one scanner/printer/fax/copier/dildo? I don't know. Do I care? No. Just keep doin' yo' thang,  HP 38XRP2100, ignore the hataz.

Future ex-wives.

Everyone has a "list". Even people in relationships (although they might not admit it). Since I was thinking about getting myself an imaginary girlfriend anyway (and maybe one day we'll settle down, and she'll be my imaginary wife), I might as well make her an attractive imaginary girlfriend while I'm at it. Here's the imaginary options. Incidentally, if you are one of these women, and you're feeling at a bit of a loose end one day, and want to see if you're as good in real life as you are in my mind, drop me a line.

	Avril Lavigne I know, I know, and it almost hurts, but Avril's been on the list for a while. A long while. I don't even know why. I think it's because her music has that "so crap it's good" thing that you nostalgically yearn for after you leave school.
	Kiera Knightly I think would make a great imaginary girlfriend, with the added bonus that you wouldn't have to spend that much on (imaginary) groceries.
	Thirteen, from House I know she's a fictional character, but I'm just as good at imagining fictional girls as I am at imagining real life girls, if not better. Incidentally, Cameron from House used to fill this space, but she's sold out and gone blonde now. Her loss. Besides, ecstacy fueled, bisexual bed scenes are healthy for the imagination.
	Daphne, from Heroes For some reason, I keep imagining her in "She's all That" doing the Rockafella Skank at the end of the film. But really fast. Like when you're watching porn Youtube videos, and your computer skips a few frames, then goes really fast to catch up.
	Rachael McAdams But brunette Rachael McAdams. She makes me want to plan a heist. Just so I can pull out a big sheet of A0 paper with "HEIST PLANS" written in big letters at the top, really. A0 paper kicks ass.

What does this tell us? Well, first of all, this shows that I have a severely overactive imagination. Boob size doesn't seem to be an issue when considering a prospective imaginary girlfriend, but cute face is definitely where it's at. Interestingly, none of them have red hair, apart from in my mind. The one thing that ties all of them together really is they all have quite big foreheads (Rachael McAdams technically has a fivehead). I'm kinda ok with that, because one of my dreams has always been to have a girlfriend who's forehead I could project IMAX movies onto.

I still have an issue with which one I should settle down with though - at the moment I'm imaginary dating all of them, I love them all so much but in different ways. I think I'll have to use my patented Bacon Buttie test to see which one I should pick - ie. whoever makes the best bacon buttie can have me exclusively (imaginarily).

'Leccy is hard to come by, round these parts.

Some mad Argentinians have bought the bar next door to my house, and as only Argentinians can, they've been working 24/7 for the last couple of days to try and get the place open and money in the till for some time last year. 

That in itself, I have no problem with, but they've just started using some crazy power tools that keep making my switch box do funny things, like turn all the electric in my house off. A lot. 

I'd be formulating a battle plan right now, but you don't want to piss Argentinians off. Nooo nononono. I can live without electricity if it means actually living, although I'm not sure a life without the internet actually constitutes living. 

Simply Rediculous

I love it when you get guys in souped up cars driving past, with the gayest music possible blasting out of the windows. Just now the biggest, most baller Hummer in the world - blacked out windows, rims, the works - just drove past, blaring Simply Red - Stars out at an insane volume. My mind is still processing this. I'll get back to you when I've come up with a conclusion. 

I'm seldom dead (yet).

Ok, well, I had my eye test. The good news is that my eyes are still the same withered stumps at the end of my ocular nerves they were two years ago, they haven't got any worse. 

The better news is that despite not speaking any english (perhaps for the better), the optemetrist wasn't a wrinkled pervy old hag-man, neither was she so hot that I nearly had her eye out (see previous post). In fact, she was just the right amount of cuteness for an optometrist. Cute enough that I felt comfortable telling her random letters from a board at the other end of the galaxy, but not so hot that I felt the need to rearrange the letters into haiku's about how shaggable she was. Not that it would have made any difference, what with the no hablar ingles situation that was going on. Even the chair was more Sloggi than Anne Summers. Every little bit helps. 

I think she was actually quite into me - she said she was going to call me, and we had some great eye-contact going on. 

Game on for cute Spanish Sloggi optometrists.

If I don't make it out alive, I'm probably dead.

I'm scared. Well, I'm always scared. But today, I'm more scared. Today I have an eye test. In Ibiza. 

For those fortunate enough to have perfect vision, I envy you. You'll never have had to endure the terror that is the eye test. An eye test is bad enough in english. There's 2 ways an eye test can go in England:

• Some reeking old giffer will drag you into a broom closet, where he'll stick needles in your eyes and affront you physically and nasally. He'll deluge you with a million pictures, and then bring one single image to crystal clarity... and beyond. Usually, the perverted old fart will try and take advantage of the fact that you can't see anything, and are bewildered and confused in a darkened room by asking you to identify objects from across the room: 
  "Can you see what this is?"
  "No."
  "HAHAHAHAHAHA! And what's this?"
  "An.... egg?"
  "I'll give you a clue, it's either a spoon, or the Gobi Desert."
  "A spoon?"
  "FOOL! I tricked you! It's a double-decker bus! Ok, this next one is either my penis, or a Cornish Pasty, which is it?"
  
  You get the idea. This guy will end up suggesting a pair of gold-rimmed specs twice the size of your head look great on you. 
• On the other hand, you'll get some mega-hot-and-knows-it optomotrist. She'll lead you into a room that's hotter than the Sun, and sit you in a bondage chair. You have two choices: Leave your jacket on, and burn to death, or take it off and risk exposing the massive boner you're carrying around. She dims the lights to something more romantic. The conditions are perfect...
  
  Just so you know, from my experience, these things never work out like porn, which is a shame, cos I could think of some great positions with that freaky chair. You leave with blue balls and the means to see them clearly.

Either way, you're going to end up pretty scarred for life. On top of this, the optometrist literally holds the keys to your life in their hand: On their whim, they can make you a social outcast for the next year by suggesting a pair of glasses that will make you look like Salman Rushdie having an allergic reaction to getting stung in the eye by a jellyfish. Or they can suggest something nicer, that pushes you to the outskirts of social acceptability. "But it's your choice, surely??" I hear you say. Oh no, these guys are totally skilled in mind manipulation techniques. They'll use phrases like "These ones make your nose look smaller" and "Have you ever thought about plastic surgery?" to make you choose the glasses they want you to wear. Trust me, don't get on the bad side of an optemetrist. You'll be broke and looking like an aged hooker going for the pity vote within a week. As you can see, somehow, I've managed to get on the bad side of several optometrists in my lifetime. 

So as if that wasn't bad enough, I'll be having my eye test here in Spain. I booked an appointment at one of the Dr. Mari opticians in Ibiza town. There's over a billion Dr. Mari's in Ibiza town, and I'm not sure which one it is I booked myself in at now. All the glasses in there look a bit mental, and it looks like I'm going to have to revive my Dame Edna Everedge look in order to make it through the next year alive. But the biggest kick in the balls is going to be that the eye test is going to be in Spanish. I can see this being a bit hard, so I've swatted up on some key questions they might ask me, just so I can try and get through this ordeal in one piece:

• ¿Qué es más clara, un presente, un presente o?
  
• ¿Que es un astigmatismo en el bolsillo, o se acaba el placer de verme?
  
• Esta es una de Pasty de Cornualles, o mi pene, lo que es?
  

Ruforia: Global Bag

Well, another season here in Ibiza is well and truly at an end, and I thought it'd be good to make a mix of all the tracks I've been totally hammering (maybe a little bit too much lol) this season down at Coolture Cafe. I've been feeling really happy this year, because there's been so much good House Music around, unlike last year when everything seemed to sound exactly the same. 

So this mix is there's absolutely no story behind this mix, it's just straight-up music I've been loving to pieces this Summer, strung together in a way that may or may not mean something to you. Whatever, who cares, just have a boogie :) There's a bit of everything thrown into this one, from the soulful mix of "What is Love?", to the downright deep and dirty grooves of "The Girl You Lost to Cocaine". 

Tracklisting: 

1. Greenpower - What is Love? (Licious K Mix)
   No head-banging in a Night at the Roxbury stylee to this one, although I can't help but be reminded of that movie every time I hear this track now, this one's been a staple for starting the night off with some great grooves down at the Caf. Just imagine Haddaway took a load of hash browns and helium, and you'd be about there. 
   With: HCCR - I Go Back (Acapella)
   
A Subliminal classic in it's own right, if I could have found the full acapella anywhere, believe me, I'd have used the whole thing. Oh well, you can't win 'em all. 

2. Mike Dunn & MD XPress - God Made Me Phunky (HCCR Mix)
Another classic in it's own right, this one gets the Harry Choo Choo Romero treatment. We're taking it back to the mother load, the mother ship. Whatever that means. 

3. Soundbluntz Feat. Cheyne - (Maybe You'll Get) Lucky (Hatiras Mix)
Cheyne sounds like if you heard her in real life, she'd sound like Karen from Will & Grace, which is one reason I hope I never meet her. Having said that, it doesn't get much funkier than this. This one always made Vicki wiggle her bum whenever I played it, which is a sight I don't think I'll ever tire of. 

4. Laurent Wolf - No Stress (Original Mix)
Combining some funky piano action with some serious dirt and a shedload of "uughmm!", it was pretty much a given that this was going to make it's way into a Ruforia mix somewhere along the line. 

5. DJ Nick - Summer Samba (Andy F Mix)
I love the way this one teases you with the Samba De Janerio riff, everyone would always get up and start screaming when they heard those first 3 notes, only to give me evil looks when it dropped back into the beat >:) Mwahahaha. By the time the whole riff comes in finally, there's no point in even trying to contain yourself. 

6. Macelo Castelli - Zion (Rastafari Mix)
   Another track shamelessly pilfered from DJ Steveboy's GrooveElectric podcast, it's got evil and funk in equal combinations. Add in some Bob Marley, and, well, it's pretty much game over. Just remember to sing along: "Do you do druuuuugs?... I do druggs!"
   With: Trendroid - Rastafari (Distorted Acapella)
   Apparently his name is Rastafari. Who knew?
   The BeatThiefs Feat. Shena - Why Did Ya? (Shenapella)
I love the original Stretch version of this track, but give it a female vocal, stick it to a house beat and look what happens, it's like crazy town out there. 

7. Juan Morgan & Marcos Rodriguez - Bora Bora (Original Mix)
I've been liking a lot of these wierd tracks with Moroccan sounding leads lately, Bucovina (Chemically Unbalanced), Gypsy (Red Light Mixstrict) and now this. Obviously the inclusion of this track has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Bora Bora is within walking distance from my house (not that it matters anyway, Bora Bora is not the same now Gee is no longer there :( ). Wierd? yes. Dancable? Fuck yes.

8. Sia - The Girl You Lost to Cocaine (Sander Van Doorm Mix)
Ok, I'll admit it, the whole mix up until this point has been pretty much working up to this track. Quite possibly the track of the season. And then some. I can't help but make gutteral noises when that synth drops in. As if the groove wasn't good enough already, the vocal is amazing. One of the first house tracks I ever owned was Sia's "Drink to Get Drunk", which I still play to this day, it's nice to know that she's not lost her touch. 

9. Mark Knight, Adam K, Soha - From the Speaker (Original Mix)
About the only great track Morillo introduced me to this year, this was about the only track Carmello would turn the volume up to instead of down (fucking Ibiza noise restrictions - who ever heard of such a daft idea?) - that's how good it is. 

10. Axwell, Ron Carroll, Bob Sinclar - What a Wonderful World (Original Mix)
I've always wanted a house mix of Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World", but I think this is about as close as I'm going to get. If I was honest about it, I've probably played this track the least out of all the tracks on this mix, but I think that's only because it's one of those ones where it's got to be exactly the right moment to play it to get away with it. 

11. Dave Darrell - Children (Original Mix)
    Play the Robert Miles version these days, and either a million candy kids will stick their glowsticks in the air, or you'll get kicked off the decks faster than you can say "Mauro Picotto". Dave Darrell has done a great job of mixing this epic track into something you can enjoy in the company of strangers without fear of getting laughed at. Amazing. 
    With: X-Press2 - Lazy (Acapella)
It's kinda how I've been feeling since the season finished here, but I think these two tracks really work well together :)

12. Steve Mac - Paddy's Revenge (Club Mix)
    The original loop is taken from a Penguin Cafe Orchestra track called 'Music for a Found Harmonium'. I've loved The PCO ever since Telephone and Rubber Band was used on that 121 advert (now T-Mobile), and I've been wishing for a house mix of at least one of their tracks ever since. Steve Mac has really done a great job here, walking that tricky line between progressive and funky, which can easily go so terribly wrong. 
    With: Bongo Lovers Feat. An-Tonic - Power of Music (Acapella)
13. Dirty South - The End (Tocadisco Loves Techno Vocal Mix)
Yes, I know, this one should be at the end. Call it irony that its not. Happy now? It actually was going to be at the end, until Obama won the election, Ruforia got all political, and this happened:

14. House Music United - Yes We Can (Original Mix)
    If the hairs have not been standing up before this point, they will for this one. What's in store for us under and Obama leadership, who knows, but one thing's for sure, He's pretty inspiring. 

Asian fantasy? Or just a little bit Asian creepy?

This ad seems to have been following me around the internet for the last few weeks. Every time I see it, my brain does wierd things. I'm tempted to click it, but I'm not sure I want to find out how far this Asian rabbit hole goes (do they have rabbits in Asia?). 

Let's say, hypothetically, I click it. I join this site. First of all, it's going to be a logistical nightmare, marrying 6000(+!) Asian girls, have the makers of this site thought that through? Also, 6000+ is a lot of Asian girls for anybody (even me), is there a returns policy in case I don't like some of them? Can I share the love and send some to friends and relatives as birthday and Christmas presents? I know a few guys who'd probably appreciate a couple, maybe a few Asians under the tree this Xmas. 

But the other, far bigger problem, is this: The Asian girls might be ready for marriage, but what if I'm not? Can't we all get to know each other a bit before steaming forward into a whole great big pile of marriage? Are there no Asian girls looking to just fool around a bit, I mean, this is all going so fast isn't it? I have problems remembering what "Noodles special 3 delicious" is at my local Chinese (and I'm not even sure that's written in proper chinese), how am I supposed to remember 6000+ Chinese names?

On the other hand I could train them all up in Kung Fu (most of them probably know it already, from what I've seen in the movies), and have an almighty army of Kung Fu wives that look great in vinyl and schoolgirl outfits. Just remember to not get on their bad side.

The House That Jack Built

The House That Jack Built (Fus's Big Room Mix) by RufusWhite

Just finished a new track - have a listen and tell me what you think! It's not levelled or mastered yet, but I'll keep you updated :) 

The sample is taken from the Arethra Franklin track of the same name. Get those old skool organs in you, Arethra (ew). 

Spain: Your (Electronic) Money Not Welcome Here

Bills are an evil that we've all got to deal with, so when you get one, you'd think it would be in the issuing company's interests to make it as easy to pay them as possible.

In Spain, though, if they had their way, we'd be paying for bills using bushels of corn, with an enforced dress code. Not one company here (Water, Electric, Telephone, whatever...) seems to want to join the information age and let you pay your bills using a bank card. What the Fuck??! Every time I get a bill, they expect me to take time off work, walk into town, and pay with cash at the Post Office. I've just had another huge rant at Telephonica over a bill I'm disputing, in the end (because they're threatening to cut me off) I just said "look, can I just pay this now and we'll sort it out later"
"Oh no, you have to take the bill to the post office."
"So what you're saying is that instead of making it easier for both me and you, and letting me give you my money right here, right now, you want me to take this bill to the post office, and take a whole day off work in order to get this sorted out?"
"yes."
"You, the telephone company, the company that connects each and every bank in Spain, probably one of the biggest companies in Spain, is not able to take a bank card number from me and take the money out of my account"
"No sir." <puts phone down>

I couldn't believe it. Well, actually, I wouldn't believe it if it hadn't happened before, but this isn't even the first time this has happened. This is now the third time that Telefonica have put the phone down on me whilst trying to deal with a problem like this. It's like they don't want my business! If telefonica wasn't the only company that allowed me to connect my computer to the internet, I'd have switched long ago. I can't even ring a number and complain, because they don't have a complaints line. They literally don't care. And, I suppose, they don't have to. If you don't like their way of doing things, that's cool, but don't expect to get internet any time soon.

So Telefonica... here it is: I hate you. I think you're all a bunch of wankers. I'm using your line right now to tell you this. Wankers.

I broke my camera. Vive Espana.

- It's a long way down and Spain hasn't invented grass yet.

Like many Britains under the age of 700, I've never been in a country when that country has won the World Cup. 4 hours later, and there's still cars going past my window, beeping their horns, everyone on the street, fireworks going off, and (randomly) a trombone playing.

What this means in real terms to me is that (being the sure-footed mountain goat that I am), I managed to trip over 2 flights of stairs filled with people cheering, nearly crush a 6 year-old (he'll live), and throw my camera (which I'd only gone up the stairs in the first place to collect) onto the hard, unrelenting ground. I rushed to pick it up, and it's poor LCD screen managed to show me it's dying mid-air moments before spluttering, and dying.

RIP Sony the Camera, you will be missed (at least until I get a new Casio).

Ruforia: Non-Distance Relationship

The last mix I did (Chemically Unbalanced) I tried to keep my emotions out of it, as they were (and still are, for the most part) a bit all over the place. Ironically, as a few people pointed out, that's exactly how the mix ended up coming out - a bit all over the place. Perhaps that's a testament that you should never try to create art without emotion, maybe it's not even possible. Who knows, I'm a DJ, not a philosopher.

In this mix, I take the opposite approach - it's an unashamedly cathartic mix for me, a chance to air some emotions. I'm not really sure what the intention behind that is yet, apart from it feels the right thing to do, and because I'm of the firm belief that whilst a picture is worth a thousand words, a song can convey a thousand emotions. I was never good with words anyway.

So this is a mix with a story behind it. It's a story of distances too wide for a relationship to survive, of a breakdown in communication, of stubbornness, nostalgia, hope, love, regret, strained acceptance, of trying to make sense of a million things that just don't make sense and of an unhealthy obsession with House Music. It's a story fit for an opera, or at least a low budget straight-to-DVD Hollywood movie.

Tracklisting:

1. Deepsky Feat. Jes - Ghost (Trent Cantrelle & Redanka Mix)
   If I were to pick one track from this mix that perfectly embodied how I feel right now, this would be it. So many amazing lyrics that reach deep to the core, whilst at the same time remaining completely ambiguous. Jes has a voice like Tracy Thorn and Bjork's lesbian love test-tube baby would have (in a good way), and sends chills down my spine every time I hear it.
   
   With: Db Boulevard - Point of View (Acapella Mix)
   Aside from being an outstanding track in it's own right, it sets the scene for the rest of the mix: How it is and how it has to be and trying to show strength where none exists in an attempt to deal with the situation.
   


2. Tegan & Sara - Back in Your Head (Josh Harris Mix)
   Born in the ancient fire-mines of Middle-Earth (otherwise known as Canada) as the illegitimate love-child of a dwarf and an elf, Tegan and Sara take the credit for being the only live musical event I've ever attended where a DJ wasn't involved. Shocking, I know. I think I was the only heterosexual in the room as well. Just be thankful I didn't use the Tiesto remix.
   


3. Soul Central - I Need You Now (Deep Josh Mix)
   v.10:13 The DJ's Bible: "And lo, by thy third track in thy mix, thy will'st have achieved a level of energy so potent that Felix Da Housecat will have kittens"
   
   So it is, and so it shall be. Felix was unavailable for comment after the birth of what are reported to be twins.
   


4. Kemal Feat. Foxxee - City Street Walkin' (Main Mix - Rufus's Re-edit)
   Let's let that energy dip for a second, otherwise we'll burn ourselves out before the end of the mix. Ever since I first heard Graham Sahara drop this track over the Winter, it was destined to find its way into a Ruforia mix. That piano, that groove, that sentiment, I think we can all relate in one way, or another.
   


5. Everything But the Girl - Missing (CL McSpadden Unreleased Power House Mix)
   I can't think of any other track off the top of my head that glorifies stalking using public transportation, so kudos for that Tracy. Everything else is pretty self-explanatory.
   


6. Hagenaar & Albrecht - What Would We Do (Original Mix)
   The main ingredients are all here already: We've had the piano, the soul, the groove and the passion, all that's missing in this mix is some sista diva to tell us how it really is. You may have been told that Diva house died and left us in 2004. Who told you that? Did STEVE tell you that?
   


7. No Tone - Down Down Down (Matthias Mix)
   1 minute and 12 seconds after I first heard this track, it was in my collection and begging to be included in this mix. After deliberating for a lengthy 0.5 seconds (I didn't want to seem too keen), I begrudgingly agreed to letting it take me out for an expensive meal. It was such an amazing track I put out on the first date. I feel so dirty.
   


8. Jason Rooney & Nello Simioli - Without Me (Original Mix)
   I don't know if there's many tracks in the "Celtic House" genre, maybe there's a whole underground movement devoted to it, with clubs called things like "Henge". And if not, WHY not? I'd dig out my Afro Celt Sound System back-catalogue to play there, no bother.
   


9. Axwell & Sebastian Ingrosso Vs Salem Al Fakir - It’s True (Axwell & Sebastian Ingrosso Remix)
   The mix has reached it's sentimental, nostalgic peak right here. If this track doesn't give you warm, fuzzy feelings, you're probably dead. You should get yourself to a doctor. I remember playing this track at a house party as the sun came up over Ibiza castle, and everyone hugging each other. It doesn't get better than that.
   


10. Stefan Gruenwald Vs Jerry Ropero - Let Me Be Your Fantasy (Jerry Ropero Remix)
    Now we've got those fuzzy feelings out of the way, it's time to examine what else is in my big pot of emotions. Dark, sexual, dirty, and yet uplifting, this track is like naked bungie jumping while covered in chocolate body paint with the lights turned off..... I imagine. The original was one of the first tracks I ever bought on vinyl, read into that what you will.
    


11. Fragma - Toca Me (Deadmau5 Mix)
    Stop dancing and close your eyes. Nothing more needs to be said. Mostly because you'll have a hard time reading it with your eyes closed.
    
    With: Fatboy Slim - Song For Shelter (Acapella)
    When I first heard this track, I found it annoying. What the fuck was this guy on about? The album ("Halfway Between the Gutter and The Stars") sat doing nothing for many months after I first heard it, until one day after my first experience with pills, I rediscovered it, and suddenly everything became crystal clear. In 11 minutes of musical genius, Mr. Norman Cook has single-handedly summed up the experience of that night, of being part of that community. Perhaps it should be required listening for politicians, I think the world would be a better place for it. I can't pretend to be able to do the original justice in any way, shape or form, so I'm not going to try, just enjoy the message for what it is.
    


12. Johan Gielen - Revelations (Original Mix)
    Dutch sounding name? Check.
    Ambiguous Title? Check.
    Pulsing bass-line and synthy pads? Check.
    Yes, all the signs add up, and I can see what you're thinking, and it's creating big, awkward silences between us all, so I'm just going to clear the air and put this out there. Yes, technically, this track is trance. I'm sorry. Now let's try and forget about that (and the fact that this is the same guy that produced the "Alice Dee-Jay" tracks, which I'm sure he wants to forget too... Actually, thinking about it, he probably doesn't, the Dutch have no shame when it comes to music), and get on with appreciating this track for what it really is: A beautiful track, that's full to bursting with emotion. I shamelessly pilfered this from Steve after hearing it on his GrooveElectric Podcast, and have not stopped playing it since. Sorry, Steve. Maybe we're even after the whole Diva house thing now.
    
    Just so you know - never ever ever ever watch the video to this track. Your senses will disown you. From the visuals to the cringe-worthy vocals, it's an affront to everything good about this track. Trance has moved on a lot in the last few years, hey?
    
    
    With: Fatboy Slim - Song For Shelter (Acapella)
    
    DJ Dove - Memories of Love (Acapella)
    You need something to sum up your mix, to finish it off, and this one does the job perfectly I think.
    

Encontrado

Moby's back!! Woo Woo! I'm so happy :D He was a little bit mucky, but alive and well, and that's all I can ask for :) I went out and bought him Eroski "Experience" Tuna and Chicken cat food, and he liked it a lot.

Now I know what it feels like to be a parent that's lost their child. Man, that was totally stressful!