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Wednesday, 31 January 2007

25 Miles From Home, Girl.

So checkit. I'm officially a quarter of a century old. How irritating.

A lot of people these days don't realize how tedious getting old can be. Oh well, might as well make the most of it, so I thought I'd mark down the pros and cons of being alive and me right now:

  • I have a kick-ass job doing what I love during the summer, rent-free, 7 nights a week in the party capital of the world.
  • My group of friends seem pretty secure, and for some reason they're cool with just sitting back and letting me be me
  • I have a gorgeous girlfriend, who's kinkier than a bagful of twiglets.
  • Right now I'm in California, where I can get a tan even in the Winter.
  • Somehow I am still a skinny bastard even though I drink about 4 litres of coke a day. Yum Yum.
  • I have no pennies, and apart from my laptop, and very few possessions to my name.
  • My laptop doesn't work. (If you've evnjoyed my podcast, please please please donate anything you will not miss to the fund to get it fixed - details at the top of my mySpace page).
  • Right now, I'm a fugitive from the American government, because I've stayed here longer than my Visa allows. Worse things happen at sea.
So using my amazing counting skills, I can at least see that so far I seem to be doing something right. There's more than that of course, but that's the basic story as it stands right now.

It's easy at this point to think how things might have turned out if I'd have made different decisions in my life - a lot of where I am right now seems to be based on spur of the moment chance, the people I meet steering me and shaping my overall experience of the world. Have I regretted any choices I've made to get me where I am now? Well, perhaps at the time when I made them, but I've since realized that everything happens for a reason - mistakes that I've made in the past have always ended up landing me in a more positive situation - or if they haven't, they've at least taught me what to do next time.

I'd like at this point like to pay my respects to a couple of people who have both had a big impact on my life, but who are now in a better and happier place than the physical world they experienced. The first is my Brother Nicholas, who passed away aged 19 two years ago, the second, my good friend Robin Holloway at around the same time. I still find myself thinking about them every day, and miss them both so much even now, but in my heart of hearts I know our paths will cross again, and all I can do until that time is live out my own life to the best of my ability.

There's so many people that I'd like to thank for getting me this far in my life, in fact most people who have featured in the soap-opera of my life have at least caused a ripple, of not a wave. If I've missed you off the list, I apologize deeply. Here goes: My parents, who did the best job they knew how, and that's all I can ask. My Mum has been there for me at times when she's been going through hell herself and I could never have asked of any more from her. My Brother and Sisters for being bastards and angels, sometimes at the same time, and I'm sure if they had never been born, I would have been a very different person. The two major loves of my life so far, Janice and Sharon - both of whom got me through a very dark period of my life, and without whom I can say with all certainty that I would not be here today. You taught me how to love and be loved, and whilst I am sad that our paths no longer cross very often, it still gives me a warm glow to this day to think that I was part of your lives, and I wish you all the love and happiness that you deserve in yours. Gary Fowler for setting me on the road to being a superstar DJ, and whom without I may never have found my path - Gary, I feel I may have been too harsh on you in the past, and for this I can only apologize, please know that I hope anything I may have said in jest about you in the past did not cut too deep, and that you can perhaps draw something positive from it to help you in your own life. You have my sole permission to slap me next time I see you. Keith Hodgson for being not only one of the best psychology teachers I could have had, but also for being a good friend when I needed one most. Dan for having the guts to just drop everything and come to Ibiza with me. Jimmy and Krystle for helping me more than they will know in Ibiza, not just in terms of getting me a job, but I also truly believe that both of you have helped me grow a lot as a person in these last two years I've known you. By that extension, I'd also like to thank Sharon for putting up with me last year - please know that I tried my hardest to be a good roomie, and I'm so sorry that I fell short in your estimation. Wee Pete for just being you - I wish I had half your talent. Graham Bates for being not only one of the best DJs I know, but for showing me my own direction. Naomi for giving me hope and unwittingly being my muse since I've known you - I can say with all honesty that there's hardly been a day gone by that I have not thought of your smile and positive influence on everyone you meet, and wish in my heart of hearts that our lives were drawing us closer together instead of further apart. I know you and Robin are destined for amazing things. Ben, for motivating me to come to America, and for looking after me and putting up with my spontineity, which I know you hate. The future has some great things in store for us I know, thanks for coming along for the ride, and you know I fully appreciate everything you've done for me. While we're talking Stateside I'd also like to thank Tony, Abe, Chris, Steve and Maureen for everything they've done for me. If it were not for them I'd be bored to tears out here. Seriously I cannot thank you guys enough. Last but by no means least, I want to thank Marisa. You saw the me I always was and always wanted to be, and you've given me a glimpse of the me that I'm going to be. You somehow bypassed all my defences and taught me how to feel again. In the short time that I've known you, you've already helped me grow so much, not just emotionally, but spiritually as well. Every time I think of you I feel so proud that you are my Girlfriend, and how much I love you. I'm so glad that I got to spend the first day of the rest of my life with you.

There have been many bad and stressful times in my life, and I daresay that there will be many more, but the people mentioned above have helped me through at every turn, and I only hope that one day I can repay my massive debt to all of them. I'm sure the next 25 years are going to bring some interesting times for me, and I hope that as many of the aforementioned people stay as close as they have been in these 25 years I've already been around. I love you all, and I hope that together we can show the world a little Ibiza love and Ruforia.


Wednesday, 10 January 2007

Is this the menopause?

We're only a week into 2007, and I'm already feeling things are a little freaky. But in a good way... for once - the thing is I'm not used to the whole good things happening to me deal, and I can't help thinking that things just seem a little too perfect... there has to be a catch somewhere.

I'm not normally this pessimisstic, but then I'm used to trying to get the best out of a bad situation, so I suppose this is my mind's logical way of dealing with this: suspecting the worst of a good situation lol.

Let me explain a little: for a long time me and girls have had a kind of "don't bother me, and I won't bother you" relationship - possibly the result of having my heart mangled one too many times in the past, combined with the habit of being a psycho-magnet. That was one of the reasons for going to Ibiza in the first place - it's virtually impossible to have a relationship out there, the holidaymakers change over every week or so, and the workers are either too tired or too fucked up to be able to have one. It suited me perfectly.

So then I come out to California, and took much the same attitude - but for the most part girls here are pretty stuck up and only worried about stuff - not my type at all. So it came as a complete surprise on Christmas Eve Eve to meet someone I was totally into right from the start. It felt like being in the Truman Show - this girl seemed to know everything about me before I did. So what's the big deal - it would not be the first time a guy has liked a girl in human history, or even the first time that I've liked a girl for that matter, but it is the first time that I've let a girl get this close without having known her for 6 million years. There seem to be a lot of questions like:.

  • Why change now?
  • Should I really be this worried about it, or should I just let it happen?
  • Should I even write anything in my blog in case she sees it, thinks I'm an overkeen psycho-stalker and runs for the hills?
  • Or would she be more offended if I hadn't written anything about her in the whole time I've known her?
  • Does she even read my blog?
  • Is anyone even still reading this?
  • and How insecure am I?
I'm scaring myself now, so I'm going to stop writing. If you wish to know more this is what you do: send in a self addressed, stamped envelope to POBOX 900, Los Angeles, California 90212, and then I'll send it back to you :P